It's been so long since I posted anything, well over a year! After my last post I quit the kennel within days. My car also died pretty much the day after I quit my job. So I guess in reality that was good timing. Took me a couple months to find a new job, and one that was in walking distance. I worked my absolute ass off, took any and all overtime, trained with the manager and took over when she left. Everything was awesome. Then, the 'owner' brought around this guy that just made my skin crawl. Absolutely crawl. I wasn't the only person that shared these feelings. Numerous people lost their job because of these mutual feelings, including myself. I got absolutely screwed over by them. I honestly wouldn't mind watching that hotel go out of business.
My anxiety is still there, and lets me know constantly. There are days I can accept that it's there and just get on with my day, and there are days that I absolutely cannot function. Good days and bad days. I still can't convince myself to take a Buspar, however. I've had them for two years now and still can't talk myself into one. I've also quit taking my Lexapro. I was just terribly sick of having to remember to take a pill. I forgot to take them several times and would go into withdrawals, not enjoyable. If they had told me before I started taking them, that they'd do this, I would have never started. Definitely had some rough patches lately. The other night I got ready to go to the store and started feeling anxiety come on, and then it escalated as I thought about the possibility of it getting worse at the grocery store and I paced around the house for a good thirty minutes and finally just caved and got undressed and resolved to staying home. Which devestated me. I spent the next two hours frantically scrubbing down my kitchen and cleaning while I cried.
I even attempted smoking pot to help with the anxiety, but a few bumps in the adventure have ruined it for me. So what I have left is just sitting in a jar, completely dried out because of it. From my fiance's inability to just listen, and not being able to keep his hands off, and pressuring me to smoke out of the bong I told him to not buy me in the first place. It was just ruined. Which really disappoints me since the first couple times I did smoke I enjoyed myself and just chilled out to some music, ate some snacks, and was completely content.
Now, here we are, January of 2018 and my car is still dead, though we did get one from my fiance's sister because we traded for some money they owed us from Christmas. It's got issues, and I'm seriously just waiting for it to crap out on me. I'm back working at Maverik again. It's worse than before I have to say. I'm only getting thirty hours a week and only making 8.50 an hour. I can't pay half of my bills. This is causing so much stress on me. I went from making fifteen an hour at the motel, making about $1400 a paycheck to roughly around $400 a paycheck. To say that I'm bitter and constantly angry is an understatement.
My health is probably crappy at best. My stomach problems are still there, and it looks like the painful attacks that I've been getting for years are related to my gall bladder somehow. Which means I'm probably looking at surgery at some point. How thrilling. Yet another thing to add to the stress and constant anxiety.
We're in our own house now. Have been since Feburary of last year, I have to say, it's quite nice having our own space. Though we really have to work on our housekeeping. We're getting better, but it's never 100%, and I'd really like to have our friends over for dinner here or there. We've cut our friends down to almost none. We can't stand most people in this town honestly. It just makes it easier to avoid drama if you don't go out and associate with people.
Other than that, there isn't really much more to update on. We still have three cats, though we were up to four briefly, but one went out and never came back home. Don't know what happened to her, haven't seen her around the neighborhood since the night I put her out. We miss her, but I have to say, it's nice not constantly finding my things peed on. Not only my things, but every thing. I took the lid off the trash can one night to take out the trash, set it down and she hopped right onto it and started peeing. I've never wanted to drop kick a cat so badly.
Hoping everyone is well, and the holidays treated you nicely. We had to put off our Christmas until tax time. Thankfully it's just us and no kids besides the cats, so we didn't have any upset kiddos.
I even attempted smoking pot to help with the anxiety, but a few bumps in the adventure have ruined it for me. So what I have left is just sitting in a jar, completely dried out because of it. From my fiance's inability to just listen, and not being able to keep his hands off, and pressuring me to smoke out of the bong I told him to not buy me in the first place. It was just ruined. Which really disappoints me since the first couple times I did smoke I enjoyed myself and just chilled out to some music, ate some snacks, and was completely content.
Now, here we are, January of 2018 and my car is still dead, though we did get one from my fiance's sister because we traded for some money they owed us from Christmas. It's got issues, and I'm seriously just waiting for it to crap out on me. I'm back working at Maverik again. It's worse than before I have to say. I'm only getting thirty hours a week and only making 8.50 an hour. I can't pay half of my bills. This is causing so much stress on me. I went from making fifteen an hour at the motel, making about $1400 a paycheck to roughly around $400 a paycheck. To say that I'm bitter and constantly angry is an understatement.
My health is probably crappy at best. My stomach problems are still there, and it looks like the painful attacks that I've been getting for years are related to my gall bladder somehow. Which means I'm probably looking at surgery at some point. How thrilling. Yet another thing to add to the stress and constant anxiety.
We're in our own house now. Have been since Feburary of last year, I have to say, it's quite nice having our own space. Though we really have to work on our housekeeping. We're getting better, but it's never 100%, and I'd really like to have our friends over for dinner here or there. We've cut our friends down to almost none. We can't stand most people in this town honestly. It just makes it easier to avoid drama if you don't go out and associate with people.
Other than that, there isn't really much more to update on. We still have three cats, though we were up to four briefly, but one went out and never came back home. Don't know what happened to her, haven't seen her around the neighborhood since the night I put her out. We miss her, but I have to say, it's nice not constantly finding my things peed on. Not only my things, but every thing. I took the lid off the trash can one night to take out the trash, set it down and she hopped right onto it and started peeing. I've never wanted to drop kick a cat so badly.
Hoping everyone is well, and the holidays treated you nicely. We had to put off our Christmas until tax time. Thankfully it's just us and no kids besides the cats, so we didn't have any upset kiddos.
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