LIFE ; It's Been So Long!

     It's been so long since I posted anything, well over a year!  After my last post I quit the kennel within days.  My car also died pretty much the day after I quit my job.  So I guess in reality that was good timing.  Took me a couple months to find a new job, and one that was in walking distance. I worked my absolute ass off, took any and all overtime, trained with the manager and took over when she left.  Everything was awesome.  Then, the 'owner' brought around this guy that just made my skin crawl.  Absolutely crawl.  I wasn't the only person that shared these feelings.  Numerous people lost their job because of these mutual feelings, including myself.  I got absolutely screwed over by them.  I honestly wouldn't mind watching that hotel go out of business.

     My anxiety is still there, and lets me know constantly.  There are days I can accept that it's there and just get on with my day, and there are days that I absolutely cannot function.  Good days and bad days.  I still can't convince myself to take a Buspar, however.  I've had them for two years now and still can't talk myself into one.  I've also quit taking my Lexapro.  I was just terribly sick of having to remember to take a pill.  I forgot to take them several times and would go into withdrawals, not enjoyable.  If they had told me before I started taking them, that they'd do this, I would have never started.  Definitely had some rough patches lately.  The other night I got ready to go to the store and started feeling anxiety come on, and then it escalated as I thought about the possibility of it getting worse at the grocery store and I paced around the house for a good thirty minutes and finally just caved and got undressed and resolved to staying home.  Which devestated me.  I spent the next two hours frantically scrubbing down my kitchen and cleaning while I cried.

LIFE : Oh crappy day!

     Today was nothing close to that song that blasted the radio waves constantly when it came out.  No Mr. Williams, I will not clap along, not today.  Not after this weekend.  This weekend has opened my eyes and had me screeching 'f bombs' at about everything to do with my job, and my car.
 
     So let me just type in this little blurb before we get started since I haven't updated about it at all.  I left my last job a couple months ago, and took on a job with animals, mostly dogs, at a groomer/kennel.  Loved the job until the last month or so.  There's been hardly any work, despite me being there six days a week.  On Saturday, Sunday and Monday, 12 hours of my day is basically blocked out by this job, from seven in the morning, until seven at night.  I have to go in four times on all of those days, to walk dogs, feed dogs, take dogs in, send dogs home, whatever the day calls for.  Leaving me running back and forth 12 times.  I might be lucky and get an hour and a half a day on normal weekends.  During the weekdays, if there's enough dogs to call for it, I wash dogs.  I love the animal aspect of this job, lately however, it's getting harder and harder to ignore the fact that I feel absolutely owned and like a slave.  I have called the owner to ask a question about someone trying to call her who had a dog in our kennel, and was told it was her day off, and she couldn't be bothered.  This is her business, not mine.  Yet, I have requested days off in advance because of going out of town, and have gotten texts the night before telling me to come in at a certain time to work, but I can leave after.  No question of what time am I leaving to go out of town, but demanding me to come in.