LIFE ; It's Been So Long!

     It's been so long since I posted anything, well over a year!  After my last post I quit the kennel within days.  My car also died pretty much the day after I quit my job.  So I guess in reality that was good timing.  Took me a couple months to find a new job, and one that was in walking distance. I worked my absolute ass off, took any and all overtime, trained with the manager and took over when she left.  Everything was awesome.  Then, the 'owner' brought around this guy that just made my skin crawl.  Absolutely crawl.  I wasn't the only person that shared these feelings.  Numerous people lost their job because of these mutual feelings, including myself.  I got absolutely screwed over by them.  I honestly wouldn't mind watching that hotel go out of business.

     My anxiety is still there, and lets me know constantly.  There are days I can accept that it's there and just get on with my day, and there are days that I absolutely cannot function.  Good days and bad days.  I still can't convince myself to take a Buspar, however.  I've had them for two years now and still can't talk myself into one.  I've also quit taking my Lexapro.  I was just terribly sick of having to remember to take a pill.  I forgot to take them several times and would go into withdrawals, not enjoyable.  If they had told me before I started taking them, that they'd do this, I would have never started.  Definitely had some rough patches lately.  The other night I got ready to go to the store and started feeling anxiety come on, and then it escalated as I thought about the possibility of it getting worse at the grocery store and I paced around the house for a good thirty minutes and finally just caved and got undressed and resolved to staying home.  Which devestated me.  I spent the next two hours frantically scrubbing down my kitchen and cleaning while I cried.

LIFE : Oh crappy day!

     Today was nothing close to that song that blasted the radio waves constantly when it came out.  No Mr. Williams, I will not clap along, not today.  Not after this weekend.  This weekend has opened my eyes and had me screeching 'f bombs' at about everything to do with my job, and my car.
 
     So let me just type in this little blurb before we get started since I haven't updated about it at all.  I left my last job a couple months ago, and took on a job with animals, mostly dogs, at a groomer/kennel.  Loved the job until the last month or so.  There's been hardly any work, despite me being there six days a week.  On Saturday, Sunday and Monday, 12 hours of my day is basically blocked out by this job, from seven in the morning, until seven at night.  I have to go in four times on all of those days, to walk dogs, feed dogs, take dogs in, send dogs home, whatever the day calls for.  Leaving me running back and forth 12 times.  I might be lucky and get an hour and a half a day on normal weekends.  During the weekdays, if there's enough dogs to call for it, I wash dogs.  I love the animal aspect of this job, lately however, it's getting harder and harder to ignore the fact that I feel absolutely owned and like a slave.  I have called the owner to ask a question about someone trying to call her who had a dog in our kennel, and was told it was her day off, and she couldn't be bothered.  This is her business, not mine.  Yet, I have requested days off in advance because of going out of town, and have gotten texts the night before telling me to come in at a certain time to work, but I can leave after.  No question of what time am I leaving to go out of town, but demanding me to come in. 

PINTERESTING : Shower Bomb DIY

     So quite some time ago I was lost in the sea of DIY known as Pinterest, looking for cheap and easy things I could try to make and stumbled across shower bombs.  My fiance and I both suffer from cruddy sinus issues from time to time, on top of sometimes we just feel congested, me being the awesome person I am, decided to give this a little whirl!  It seemed simple enough, and only required a few ingredients.  I think the most expensive one was the Vick's VapoRub, honestly, I think it came in around four dollars, or just a little more.

     I had purchased the generic brand after I scored the VapoRub from a clearance basket at our local grocery store, deciding that if I was going to try this and mess up, I'd sure rather do it with a generic, less expensive version of the VapoRub.  The ice cube trays, which are curved in the bottom were a dollar at Dollar General, and everything else was pretty inexpensive over all.

REVIEW : Virginia City, Nevada

     Recently we had some family come into town for a visit, and while he was here we decided to check out Virginia City.  Now this was a first for me, as I had never seen Virginia City during the day, and actually, I'd only seen my friend's house.  Never any of the main drag, which is home to stores and stores galore.  It's very high up in altitude, and I think that might have been the reason I was yawning the first thirty minutes we were there.

LIFE : The struggle is real...

          Stress ... the struggle is real.  I understand that my problems compared to other people's issues they're dealing with make mine insignificant, but that doesn't mean they're not a big deal to me.  

     Lately I've been beating my brain with issues that I keep facing, from my job, to my life, to everything else that is probably a non-issue, but my head is turning into a problem.  Currently my job is the biggest issue in my life.  Yes, the economy is bad, and I should be thankful to have a job, and especially in this tiny town.  I am.  Though, only to a certain degree.   I work a chaotic schedule, which has me changing my sleep patterns twice a week.  Being on the anti-depressants and anti-anxiety med, this does not help, because it is throwing my body into confusion.  I notice I'm back to where I just easily cry again, over the smallest things, and this in itself, actually makes me cry when I think about it.  I have talked to my boss, because when I was going to start this schedule, she told me to let her know if I started to burn out.  I let her know a month ago, and she has done nothing.  Made no effort in changing anything except taking away three of my days and leaving me on the two graveyard shifts.  Which does not fix the flip flop sleep schedule I told her I was struggling with.  Why?  Because I would have to go find a second job to make up the three days I would lose.. see the problem?  I'm tired of watching certain people get special treatment.

The Story of Moose

 

First picture taken of Moose - 08/06/2011

     Moose showed up in August of 2011, smack in the middle of kittens being killed off in my mom's trailer park left and right by the feral tom cats because of whatever reason.  As soon as my mom spotted her, she knew she needed to get her hands on her.  She wasn't terrified of us, but she wasn't trusting either.  It took us a couple days to get our hands on her, and as soon as we did we brought her in and set her up in my mom's bathroom.  The picture above was about five days in to her being socialized.  Safe to say, it didn't take her very long to get settled in as a Jones.  At the time I was living with my boyfriend (now fiance) and his mom, and would go over there to play with her, because I'll use any excuse to smoosh on a kitten.

LIFE : Dealing with my anxiety.

      I have tried to figure out how to write an entry on my anxiety issues for months now, and I've even written a couple entries, but they were so jumpy that it didn't make sense.  I realized that actually writing about it while actively fighting it would probably make it the easiest.  That actually sounds like torture when I think about it, because while I'm fighting an anxiety attack my brain is firing off in rapid spurts of different things. 

     I've suffered from anxiety issues since I was probably about 14.  Probably even earlier if my fits of crying when I was in elementary school qualified as anxiety/panic issues. I would write a paper in pencil and would mess up on the very last word on the back of the page, and I would have to start completely over because I just knew my teacher would be able to tell I had made a mistake and would think less of me, or something.  I'm serious, I would have an absolute melt down and freak out over it.